My life is not what I thought it would be.

I don’t mean that my life is bad, or that I’m extremely unhappy—far from it. I love my family and friends. I get to interact with a wide range of people in my jobs, and the work is interesting. I even get to have some fun, when I am intentional about making time for it.

But at this point in my life, at my age, I expected my life to look very different. I expected to be farther along in life (whatever that means). I expected to have an established career by now, not a slew of part-time gigs that I’ve cobbled together to make full-time work. I expected to have my life fully figured out already, rather than just recognizing a new calling from God and starting more training to follow that call. I expected to feel settled—physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, spiritually–instead of feeling like the sand is shifting beneath my feet most of the time.

When life doesn’t live up to our expectations, it can make us feel like we are failing at life, and we aren’t doing what we are “supposed to do.” But where do these expectations actually come from?

Where Do Expectations Come From?

Societal expectations are very real and have historically shaped people’s life decisions and behaviors. We may not be living in the Gilded Age when societal expectations were incredibly specific and restrictive, but our society often has expectations regarding career, home, finances, marital status, children, and a timeline attached to these life categories that may or may not apply to our actual life situation.

Family, friends, and workplace expectations can also shape what we think our life should look like. Depending on your cultural background or career field, the pressure to live up to life expectations from family, friends, and co-workers can be monumental. And if we don’t match those expectations on the expected timeline, how we have failed to meet those expectations can be a constant discussion.

Let’s not forget our own internal expectations. Whether we have internalized societal, family, friends, and workplace expectations, or they are our own expectations (or a mix of both!), we can put an inordinate amount of pressure on ourselves to hit life’s milestones (and to do so on a specific timeline). When we don’t match our own expectations, it can feel like we are “behind,” failing, and/or not living life “correctly.”

The Truth About Expectations

The real truth is that there is no one set way of living life. We are all created by God differently, given different gifts, and called to do different things in the world. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:17:

However that may be, let each of you lead the life that the Lord has assigned, to which God called you.

We are called to live the life that God wants for each of us, not the life that society, or our workplace, or our family or friends, or even ourselves expect. God has expanded the definition of how life can be lived, and we can live based on God’s calling and invitation for us, rather than set expectations.

We can start to free ourselves from these unhelpful expectations, with God’s help. We no longer have to carry the weight of expectations; instead, we can live the life God wants for each of us, living into who God has created each one of us to be.

How is God inviting you to live the life God wants for you?



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Note: A version of this post was published in the December 2025/January and February 2026 edition of Gather magazine, under the title “The Weight of Expectations.”